No Plan is the Best Plan

I don’t think I’m alone in being totally punched in the face by motherhood. When I was pregnant, I thought that I researched enough to know what to expect. In my mind, I knew exactly what kind of mom I was going to be, and I felt so confident. Flash forward 9ish months, and as soon as I held my son in my arms, it’s like all of that knowledge disappeared. I suddenly felt afraid and like I was being thrust into a pool of uncertainty. It wasn’t until the actual delivery, that I found just how open-minded I needed to be, about everything.

First, there was my birth plan. I’ve seen other mothers with intricate plans that they hope to follow to the letter. Well, you might as well light it on fire and toss it. My experience is that nothing goes as planned. Once you accept it, you’ll be able to breathe a little easier.

Let’s throw in an example, my son was born just shy of 39 weeks. Like most, I anticipated a drug-free, natural birth. If other women could do it, why couldn’t I? Well, things certainly didn’t go the way I hoped. Labor stalled after hours and hours, so my options were Pitocin (basically pushes labor along) and an epidural, or a c-section. I had contracted an infection when the doctor had to break my water, so it wasn’t safe for me to wait it out much longer. Thankfully he was born a couple of hours after the Pitocin was administered.

I feel like the root of the issue is that, when things don’t go as planned, we automatically feel like we failed as mothers. Those nagging negative thoughts at the back of our minds, make it even more impossible to accept life as it is. Before having my kids, I didn’t think I would ever let them have any sort of screen time before they were old enough to go to school. Now my 2 and 3-year-old have their own tablets and a slew of favorite tv shows. Some days I would beat myself about it, convinced that I could be doing more activities, and cutting out screens altogether. But I’m a human being, and sometimes, I need to distract them so I can eat without sharing or reheat my coffee for the 4th time and enjoy the first two and only hot sips from that cup. They’re fine. They’re growing beautifully. They’re smart and imaginative. We spend plenty of time with crafts, playing outside, pretend play, and so on. I deserve to give myself that little escape now and then.

All mothers have to remember that there is no real right way to parent. Different things work for different families, and that is okay. Just try to show a little love and compassion, because we’re all doing the best we can.